


Actual Cannibal Rise Kujikawa

by FirstFinalFarewell



Category: Persona 4
Genre: I can't believe I actually wrote this, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:31:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4885564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirstFinalFarewell/pseuds/FirstFinalFarewell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't know you want an Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf AU for your OTP until you write an Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf AU. This is Naoto/Kanji trash featuring their in home celebrity as the person trying to kill and eat them, enjoy my fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/147106) by Rob Cantor. 



**Naoto and Kanji are walking in the woods**  
"Naoto I don't have a good feeling about this, there's ominous narration dammit, that never leads to anything good."  
"Shh, you don't want to disturb the wildlife you idiot."  
 **There's no one around and their phones are dead**  
"It's not like we get cell service out here anyways."  
"Dammit why did we go out here again?"  
 **Out of the corner of their eyes they spot her: Rise Kujikawa.**  
"I don't like the sound of this yo."  
"Idiot."

 **She's following them, about 30 feet back**  
"This is starting to scare me Naoto!"  
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP KANJI!"  
 **She gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint**  
"Okay now I'm scared."  
"SEE THE NARRATION DOESNT HELP!"  
 **She's gaining on them**  
 **Rise Kujikawa**

 **They're looking for their car but they're all turned around**  
"Wait we have a car?"  
"We're not even old enough to drive dammit!"  
 **She's almost upon them now**  
"Naoto I-"  
"This is when we start running, dammit."  
 **and they can see there's blood on her face**  
"IM OUT BYE!"  
"WAIT NO YOURE THE BIG GUY PROTECT ME!"  
 **My God, there's blood everywhere!**

 **Running for their lives (from Rise Kujikawa)**  
"MOVE FASTER YOU IDIOT!"  
"NOT EVERYONE IS AS SMALL AS YOU NAOTO!"  
 **She's brandishing a knife (It's Rise Kujikawa)**  
"WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?"  
"KANJI NOT EVEN IM QUESTIONING THE LOGIC AT THIS POINT!"  
 **Lurking in the shadows**  
 **Inaba Idol Rise Kujikawa**  
"DEAR LORD SAVE US ALL!"  
"KANJI GOD DOESNT EXIST AND YOURE SIX FEET TALL JUST TAKE HER ON!"

 **Living in the woods (Rise Kujiawa)**  
"Doesn't she live at the tofu place?"  
"Do you live at the textile shop?"  
"Actually yes I do dammit, it's very comfortable there."  
 **Killing for sport (Rise Kujikawa)**  
"Well Shadows, yes."  
"Naoto stop trying to find logic."  
 **Eating all the bodies**  
"Ummmmm..."  
"Dammit, we're screwed yo"  
 **Actual cannibal Rise Kujikawa**  
"Well this doesn't sound very good."  
"IVE BEEN SAYING THAT THE ENTIRE TIME DAMMIT!"

 **Now it's dark and they seem to have lost her**  
"I don't believe that."  
"That its dark suddenly or that we escaped her?"  
"Both Kanji. Both."  
 **but they're hopelessly lost themselves**  
"Stupid god damn narration..."  
"Dammit."  
 **Stranded with a murderer**  
"And we thought Adachi was bad."  
"How did this not come up when fighting Rise's Shadow?"  
"I wouldn't know I WASNT THERE!"  
 **they creep silently through the underbrush**

 **Aha! In the distance**  
 **A small cottage with a light on**  
"Don't trust-"  
"Ooo lets go Naoto!"  
"-it..."  
 **Hope! They move stealthily toward it**  
"I don't like this Kanji."  
"We may be able to charge our phones and get cell service."  
"Proceed."  
 **but Naoto's leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!**  
"KANJI DONT LEAVE ME HERE!"  
"IM COMING IM COMING DONT DIE ON ME!"

 **Gnawing off Naoto's leg (Quiet, quiet)**  
"GET ME OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"  
"Shhhhh be quiet."  
"IM BLEEDING TO DEATH IM NOT GOING TO BE QUIET GODDAMMIT!"  
 **Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet)**  
"MY FUCKING LEG!"  
"Naoto shut up!"  
"THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH!"  
 **Now they're on the doorstep**  
"Hoe don't do it."  
"Naoto you need medical aid I'm going in."  
 **Sitting inside: Rise Kujikawa**  
"I told you not to do it."

 **Sharpening an axe (Rise Kujikawa)**  
"Dear lord and she says she can't fight..."  
"Well I mean compared to you. You are the tank character."  
"What?"  
"Sorry Kanji, I was simply breaking the fourth wall."  
 **But she doesn't hear them enter (Rise Kujikawa)**  
"Bless."  
"Same dammit."  
 **They're sneaking up behind her**  
"Why are we doing this Kanji?"  
 **Strangling superstar Rise Kujikawa**  
"Oh. I see why the narration is making us do that now."

 **Fighting for their lives with Rise Kujikawa**  
"KANJI MY LEG IS STILL BLEEDING!"  
"SHUT UP IM KILLING RISE DAMMIT!"  
 **Wrestling a knife from Rise Kujikawa**  
"Ooo get 'em!"  
"NAOTO FOR THE LAST TIME YOURE NOT THAT GUY FROM GRAVITY FALLS!"  
 **Stab her in her kidney**  
 **Safe at last from Rise Kujikawa**  
"Is she dead."  
"Let's hope not, that gives me work to do..."

 **Naoto limps into the dark woods**  
"Hey what about me dammit."  
"Shut up idiot..."  
 **blood oozing from their stump leg**  
"Oh so you're using genderneutral pronouns for me I see. Bless your soul narration."  
 **But they have won; Kanji has beaten**  
 **Rise Kujikawa**  
"Damn straight I have."  
"That's the only straight thing about you though."  
"You straight savage Naoto."  
"That's the only straight thing about me too."

 **Wait! She isn't dead (Rise surprise)**  
"FUCK!"  
"SAME DAMMIT!"  
 **There's a gun to Naoto's head and death in her eyes**  
"OH GOD RISE IM ALREADY BLEEDING TO DEATH!"  
 **But Kanji can do Jis Jitsu**  
"I can?"

 **Body slam superstar Rise Kujikawa**  
"Apparently so Kanji."  
"Sweet."  
 **Legendary fight with Rise Kujikawa**  
 **Normal Tuesday night for Rise Kujikawa**  
"Well now we know why we can't contact her at nighttime."  
"Do you honestly talk to the others at night Kanji?"  
"No, I'm usually knitting."  
"Like I said, that was the only straight thing about you."  
 **Naoto tries to swing an axe at Rise Kujikawa**  
"WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?"

 **But blood is draining fast from their stump leg**  
"Oh yeah I forgot about that yo. Sorry."  
"My god Kanji..."  
 **She's dodging every swipe, she parries to the left**  
"Why does the narration have to rhyme?"  
"Because it's a song Naoto."  
"I'm gonna kill it."  
 **Kanji counters to the right, he catches her in the neck**  
"Well you have more work Naoto."  
"Fuck."  
 **He's chopping off her head now**  
 **Kanji just decapitated Rise Kujikawa**  
"Sorry."  
"I know who the murderer is, this is easy."  
"Or we can hide the body."  
"I like that plan."

 **Her head Topples to the floor, expressionless**  
"Oh god what do we tell the others dammit?"  
"Nothing. No one ever has to know this happened Kanji."  
 **They fall to their knees and catch their breaths**  
"Your leg cool?"  
"The narrator didn't say it hurts so I'm guess it's good now."  
"Good cause I'm getting out of here fast."  
 **They're finally safe from Rise Kujikawa...**  
"IF YOURE GONNA RUN CARRY ME AT LEAST MY LEG IS STILL BLEEDING I WAS JOKING ABOUT THE NARRATION PLEASE COME BACK KANJI COME BACK FOR ME!"


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mini extra is dedicated to @OpalReha for, well inspiring the entire extra here I mean like just look at their comments holy crap man (I could credit them as co author but whatever)

**Naoto and Kanji are walking to Junes**  
"NAOTO THE NARRATION IS BACK I THOUGHT THIS WAS DONE WHEN WE KILLED-"  
"Shut it you moron no one needs to know about that when the Investigation Team asks, she fell in a pit"  
**They arrive there just as everyone else arrives**  
"Oh good we're not late dammit."  
"Do you ever shut up?"  
**Out of the corner of their eyes they spot her: Rise Kujikawa**  
"WHAT?"  
"KANJI IS THAT?"  
"YEAH!"  
"HOLY CRAP!"

 **She's sitting beside them, about two chairs over**  
"Uhhh are you guys okay?"  
"CHIE YUKIKO JUST SIT BETWEEN US!"  
"Umm okay Kanji..."  
**She sit's on her butt and sips some of her soft drink**  
"Naoto what do you think is-"  
"I'm thinking..."  
"Oh they don't seem to know yet."  
"What do you mean Yosuke?"  
"Long story Naoto, long story."  
**She's scaring them** **  
****Rise Kujikawa**

 **They're looking at their friends but they're all acting too sane**  
"Uhh, guys?"  
"What is it Kanji?"  
"I don't like this, Yosuke is acting weird..." ****  
**She's almost done her drink now**  
**and they can see he neck is in tact**  
"HOLY CRAP!" **  
****My God, there are no wounds anywhere!**

 **Cowering in fear (from Rise Kujikawa)**  
**She's very very near (It's Rise Kujikawa)**  
**Sitting in the daylight**  
**Inaba Idol Rise Kujikawa**  
"This shouldn't be possible!"  
"Kanji I'm scared!"  
"Should we tell 'em Yukiko?"  
"Let's wait and see where this goes Chie..."

 **Living in the town (Rise Kujikawa)**  
**Singing a lot (Rise Kujikawa)**  
**Gaining all that money**  
**Actually just normal Rise Kujikawa**  
"Oh, that's not too bad..."  
"Wait, then what was that last night Naoto?"  
"Well you see every Tuesday Rise goes on a killing rampage and 'dies' but she doesn't really and, I know it doesn't make sense shut up."  
"Dammit Yu, why you gotta not make sense?"

 **Now it's mid afternoon and she seems to not be so confusing**  
**but they're hopelessly confused themselves**  
"Guys it's not that hard to follow even I can understand!"  
"Teddie, shut up no one cares about you."  
**Stranded in Junes  
****The creep silently through the grocery section**

 **Aha! In the distance**  
**The Junes electronics** **department  
** **Hope! They move stealthily towards it**  
**but Naoto's arm! Ah! Yu's stopping them from moving!**  
"I swear to god if you-"  
"We need to run you idiot Rise may kill us all we can only hide in the tv!"  
"Naoto this isn't like you..."  
"Shut up you dumb bear!"  
"Hey I take great offence to that!"  
"Shut up Teddie."

 **Struggling to break free (Quiet, quiet)**  
**Running to the electronics department (Quiet, quiet)**  
**Now they're at the entrance  
** **Standing inside: Rise Kujikawa  
** "Crap!"  
"Same Naoto same!"

 **Watching a movie preview (Rise Kujikawa)  
** **But she doesn't hear them enter (Rise Kujikawa)  
** **They're sneaking up behind her  
** **Asking answers of Rise Kujikawa  
**   
"Ughhhh didn't Yu and the other's already explain my Tuesday killing rampage to you guys?"

 **Questioning for their lives with Rise Kujikawa  
** "We swear to god Rise can't you be more clear? I mean that narration was the worse part!"  
"What narration Naoto?"  
**Yelling because of the knife with Rise Kujikawa  
** "It said you had a knife!"  
"Well I did have one, I think. An axe definitely!"  
**Punch her in the stomach  
** "Go Kanji! Oooo Get 'em!"  
"Serious Naoto stop trying to be that guy from Gravity Falls!"  
"Hey he was the best mayor that town ever saw!"  
**Safe at last from Rise Kujikawa**

 **Naoto runs back to her friends  
** "What about me?"  
"We went through this the other day Kanji..."  
"It still hurts..."  
**Pain running through her arm that Yu grabbed  
** ****But they have won; Kanji has**** **beaten**  
"Damn stra-"  
"Kanji don't even make me make this joke."  
"Wow Yosuke, that hurts..."  
**Rise Kujikawa**

 ** **Wait she isn't down! (Rise Surprise)**  
** The a fist to Naoto's back and death in her eyes  
"Oh crap not again!" ** ****  
**But Kanji can do Jis Jitsu  
"Oh hi remember this from yesterday? Hells yeah!"  
"Wait since when can he-"  
"Chie I was able to do it when it was our turn I've given up on logic."  
"Truer words have never been spoken Yukiko."

 ** **Bodyslam superstar Rise Kujikawa**  
** Mediocre fight with Rise Kujikawa  
"Well sorry it's not yesterday's epic battle you dumb narration!"  
"Wait, what narration Naoto?"  
"Huh? What do you mean Teddie?" ** ****  
**Average Wednesday afternoon for Rise Kujikawa  
Naoto tries swings a camera tripod at Rise Kujikawa  
"This is so dumb..."

 ** **But pain is swelling through the arm that Yu grabbed**  
** She's dodging every swipe, she parries to the left  
Kanji counters to the right, he asks her once again  
"WHAT THE HELL RISE?" ** ****  
**He's finally getting answers now  
"Every Tuesday I go on a murderous rampage but for some reason the effects never last. We call it "Actual Cannibal Rise Kujikawa" since I'm known for eating the bodies, though I don't remember much tbh..." ** ****  
Kanji just got the truth about Rise Kujikawa**

 ** **The entire group sighs in exhaustion**  
** They tell the group one final detail of their original encounter  
"So none of you heard the narration?"  
"Nope, must just be you Kanji..."  
"I heard it too..."  
"Well Naoto, that just sucks for you guys!" ** ****  
They are never safe from the ominous narration...**


End file.
